Will I Ever Get Married? The Silent Grief of Singleness for Women Over 50

There’s a kind of grief that is rarely acknowledged. There isn’t a card section for it, nor a prayer list. And good luck getting a casserole if you’re experiencing the deep-seated pain of it. It’s the grief of prolonged singleness. If you’ve asked the question, “Will I ever get married?” this article is for you.

Working Through the Grief of Unwanted Singleness

For many Christian women over the age of fifty, the grief of being unmarried weaves its way through life in the form of solo entries into parties and family gatherings, lonely nights on the sofa, and tears while strolling through social media. The pointed finger of aloneness strikes deep when you’re awkwardly sitting alone in a church pew filled with married couples and families. And when you review your life plan that never materialized.

While you might label yourself as “desperate” at times, it’s not desperation that is driving you. If you’ve lived life into your fifties, you probably don’t need a man to feel whole. What you’re feeling is likely the God-given longing for companionship, intimacy, and a shared life. These desires were placed in you by a longing Father who created you for relationship, not only romantic, but also Christian community and friendship.

The desire for marriage is both natural and legitimate, though not something Scripture guarantees. When that desire and hope go unfulfilled for years or even decades, it can cause a quiet sorrow to develop. Sometimes it’s easier to just deny that the ache for a husband exists than it is to confront it. After all, if you’re truly a Christ-fearing woman, shouldn’t you be content in your relationship with Him alone?

Of course, the answer is “yes.” You, along with everyone else who chooses to follow the Lord, should feel completely content, fully identified, and totally complete because of Christ. But unfortunately, what you should be feeling isn’t always what you are feeling. Grief, like the sadness you might feel over not living the life that you thought you would have, festers.

The Psalms even give voice to sorrow, longing, and loneliness, offering us permission to feel deeply and cry openly before God. King David asked, “How long, O Lord?” If he can wonder about how long suffering can last, it’s logical that we might too.

Christian women in this season of singleness often carry their pain in silence. And those few brave souls that dare speak are often met with well-meaning comments like, “God’s timing is perfect” or the ever encouraging, “Maybe He’s sparing you from the wrong relationship.” While these sentiments might be true, they also dismiss the heartache that many women feel. That you feel.

Christian Counseling in Santa Monica, California

A skilled Christian therapist in Santa Monica, California can be a lifeline of hope for the single woman who wants to find her soulmate. A therapist can help you dissect your desire for a husband to determine your unfulfilled needs. They can give you practical ideas on how to bloom while you wait and how to become the best version of yourself. And most importantly, a Christian therapist in Santa Monica can point you back to your loving Heavenly Father who sees your tears and hears your cry.

If you’re a woman over the age of fifty who struggles with singleness, still longs for love, who still prays for a husband, and who still wonders why it hasn’t happened yet, realize that you are brave and long-suffering and hopeful. There might not be a social protocol that necessitates a meal train or sympathy card to console you in your grief, but rest assured that God is with you in the waiting.

Contact our office today at Santa Monica Christian Counseling in California to find support and encouragement.