Do you remember as a young child feeling like a superhero? Many children play with confidence that goes way beyond their years. They value their little selves. However, as time passes and we face obstacles and struggles, we begin to lose that confidence and our self-esteem can plummet. Physical health, emotional health, mental health, financial stability, and circumstances can demoralize us and lead to lower self-esteem.
When we have lower self-esteem, we start to view ourselves as less than others, not worthy of self-love, the love of others, or even the love of God. This perception can lead to anxiety and depression. Building self-esteem then should be our number one priority. Self-esteem is how you value yourself. Do you treat yourself with as much respect as you would someone else?
We can work on building self-esteem by adopting a goal-setting mindset.
How to set goals for building self-esteem
The wonderful thing about setting goals and meeting them is the feeling of accomplishment. We all want to achieve something. Even a small goal met through hard work can boost your self-esteem. You want to choose goals that are a bit of a stretch, but not too difficult to manage.
The following are tips for building self-esteem by setting manageable goals.
Set shorter time limits
We often frustrate ourselves by choosing long-term goals and then subsequently thinking we have more time to reach them than we do. For example, you may set a goal to lose forty pounds in one year. By month two, if you have not made any progress, you may not feel that worried about it because you still have ten months to reach your goal. However, if you do not make changes, you will reach the eleventh month and feel defeated because of your lack of progress.
Instead, choose a smaller time limit to give your all toward your goal. This narrows your focus. The book, The 12-Week Year, by Brian P. Moran and Michael Lennington, breaks this idea down. The authors state that if you view a 12-week time period as a “year,” then you can accomplish more because your focus is on one or two major goals.
Using the example above, you could restate your weight loss goal like this: Lose 12 pounds over the next 12 weeks. Although your long-term goal is to lose forty pounds, by focusing on just twelve pounds over 12 weeks, you are less likely to feel overwhelmed. Repeat these 12-week “years” as often as you need to reach your goals.
Set smaller goals
When we bite off more than we can chew when it comes to setting goals, our self-esteem can plummet and we may give up. Yet, it is our propensity to try to do it all that gets us into trouble and sabotages our efforts.
When we set goals, we should create micro-goals and mini-tasks to give ourselves a boost of confidence. For example, if your goal is to lose twelve pounds over the next 12 weeks, you could create the following goals and tasks:
- Set and maintain a calorie budget daily
- Drink eight cups of water
- Walk two miles every morning
- Skip snacking between 3 pm and 7 pm
These are small tasks that keep you on track without overwhelming you. Tasks or goals that are too large will only lead to frustration. Also adding too many goals or tasks can paralyze you into not doing anything at all. Would you rather see a list like the one above with four items that span the day or a list of two dozen? Once daily tasks become natural, then you can add one or two more.
Make one goal self-care
When we stop taking care of ourselves, our self-esteem can lower. Maybe you have been busy caring for aging parents or caring for young children. Or maybe you struggle with a chronic illness or recently left a toxic relationship. These are all reasons why we may stop caring for our physical, mental, and emotional health.
As you create your goals, carve out time each week or month for self-care. Try to approach your goal from all aspects. For example, maybe your list of self-care goals could look like this:
- Go hiking with the family on Saturday.
- Spend two hours Sunday night reading that novel from the library.
- Make a date with yourself to do something fun like a museum exhibit, a theater show, or a new play once a month.
Independence and knowing who you are (knowing your values and core beliefs) builds self-esteem and strengthens confidence. You may find that when you feel good, you behave confidently, and attract better.
Take responsibility
When we play the blame game, we push responsibility onto others. We might think we are relieving the pressure by blaming someone else, but in reality, we are handing control to another person. Of course, we cannot control everything and there may be times when someone else’s bad choices or actions put us in a terrible situation.
But we must learn to accept responsibility and take back control. When we do this, our self-esteem bolsters and we are increasingly able to find solutions to problems. We strengthen our emotional resiliency, and our ability to bounce back from disappointments and trauma. We can face uncertainty with confidence when we own our part.
As we take responsibility, we learn how to set realistic goals. We are no longer blaming others for what we do not accomplish, so we choose goals and tasks that we can realistically meet.
For example, if you are a one-car household, the driving responsibility may fall to you. At first, you may blame your family’s schedules for not meeting your work or fitness goals because you are stuck in the car for hours daily. However, when you take responsibility, you can change your perspective and find ways around the situation, such as walking around the block while waiting for your child to finish ball practice or getting up earlier to work out. These are realistic, and fluid, tasks.
Choose how you will measure progress
Sometimes we can get so caught up in the end result of reaching a goal that we get sidetracked during the journey. Instead, measure the milestones. How can you measure your progress to boost your self-esteem?
For example, if you are trying to lose weight, you can use the scale to measure body weight, but you can also measure the inches lost and the smaller clothes purchased. Or measure your progress through fitness, such as the increase of miles walked or the progression of lifting heavier weights.
Make a plan
Be intentional with your actions. To see an improvement in self-esteem, you must create routines that include tasks that will get you out of your comfort zone. Add a few tasks to each day’s to-do list. When you check off the tasks, that feeling of accomplishment will increase your confidence and self-esteem.
Routinely reassess gracefully
Setting goals is not something you can do once and never look back on again. You need to reassess your progress periodically and adjust as needed. But when you reassess, do not judge yourself harshly if you haven’t met your goals yet. Learn to review your progress with grace.
If you were anyone else, how would you address them for not following through on a plan? Would you speak harsh words? Would you demean them? Probably not. Then why would you speak negative words to yourself? Speak grace over yourself and remember that the journey to achieving a goal is where you learn persistence and resiliency.
Building self-esteem with counseling
If you struggle with building self-esteem, reach out to our office today to schedule a session with a counselor. Your counselor will help you find the underlying cause of your negative thoughts and behaviors and reframe them to produce positive results.
