How to Recognize and Counter Avoidance Behavior

Avoidance behavior is a dysfunctional behavior used to avoid stressful, anxiety-producing situations or disconnect from distressing thoughts and emotions. While it may provide short-term relief, it does not solve the problem and will likely aggravate it in the long run.

Avoidance is the best short-term strategy to escape conflict, and the best long-term strategy to ensure suffering. – Brendon Burchard

Burying your feelings instead of processing them keeps you from identifying and addressing the root cause of your stress.

It is only a temporary fix, and if done repeatedly, is likely to reinforce your anxiety and trap you in an avoidance cycle that will limit your quality of life, cause missed opportunities, and have a detrimental effect on your mental health over time.

The five types of avoidance behaviors

Situational

Situational avoidance is the most common type of avoidance behavior. It’s trying to stay away from people, places, specific activities, or social situations that cause you to feel uncomfortable, anxious, or stressed.

Cognitive

Cognitive avoidance is an attempt to avoid thinking of anything that might cause distress, such as painful memories or thoughts that trigger anxiety. It’s trying to disconnect from them by denying they are real, or by overriding them with other thoughts.

Protective

Protective avoidance is doing something that helps you feel safe, such as compulsive cleaning, carrying around a good luck charm, or following a certain ritual to feel more secure.

Somatic

Somatic avoidance is staying away from anything that can lead to an uncomfortable physical sensation such as a pounding heart or panicky feeling.

Substitution

Substitution avoidance involves replacing one feeling or behavior with another more comfortable or acceptable one.

Examples of avoidance behavior

Escapism

Escapism is an attempt to distract yourself from reality through activities such as binge-watching TV or seeking comfort in books, movies, and/or video games.

Burying emotions

You stuff down your feelings instead of processing them.

Denial

You refuse to talk about or address distressing issues or problems.

Addictive behavior

You turn to alcohol, drugs, or overeating to try and numb your distressing feelings.

Isolation

You try to keep from feeling stressed or anxious by isolating yourself and avoiding social events.

Canceling plans

You find excuses not to go to an event, and/or make plans but then cancel them at the last moment.

Procrastination

You tend to put things off such as big projects, difficult conversations, or demanding tasks.

How to counter it

The first step to countering avoidance behavior is to understand what it is, become aware of when you are doing it, and recognize what triggers you to do so.

Instead of trying to avoid situations that lead to distressing thoughts and/or feelings, accept that it’s okay to feel this way and that it’s a normal, inevitable part of life. Try to focus on the present moment and reframe your thoughts in a more positive light. If you start to panic, do some deep breathing, or use a grounding technique such as the 5-4-3-2-1 method.

Be kind to yourself as you work on overcoming your avoidance behavior and start small with just one little thing you usually try to avoid. Set small achievable goals to help you build confidence, and gradually try to push yourself just a little bit more. Celebrate your progress with a reward.

Enlist the support of a trusted friend or family member to encourage you and hold you accountable, as well as help you to stay motivated.

Consider counseling. A trained mental health practitioner can help you understand what is causing your avoidance so you can address the underlying issues and learn healthy coping mechanisms for handling tough situations.

If you need more help than what this article on avoidance behavior could provide and would like to set up an appointment to meet with one of the faith-based counselors at Santa Monica Christian Counseling in California, please give us a call.