People enjoy having friends. Friendship offers bonding that can foster a sense of belonging. It has also been known to promote a healthier and longer life. However, as a couple, it can be challenging to find another couple to connect with and form a bond. But what about those times that friendship becomes more? When a spouse and a best friend have an affair, it can be devastating. Afterward, the dynamics of the friendship and the marriage become difficult to navigate.

Even though the emotional pain may seem overwhelming, there is hope for healing. The important thing to remember is that it will take an intentional choice to repair the marriage. However, if you choose not to remain in the marriage, there is healing for that, as well. It begins with forgiveness.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. – 1 John 1:9, ESV

Steps to healing after the affair

The pain of an affair can be tough to endure, but through self-care and patience, you can learn to find peace and move past the devastation. It can be similar to a process of grief. As with grief, healing after an affair can be a pattern of repetitive emotions. Healing is a process that takes time and intentional choosing.

Be still

The most common reaction in the aftermath of an affair is to become angry and make hasty decisions. Moving out or asking them to leave is the typical response after the affair has been brought to light. Though it may seem drastic, making a way for each of you to have space can allow emotions to be processed healthily.

Take time for self-care

It may seem like you are supposed to remain focused on understanding and processing the entire situation about the affair. But disregarding your physical, mental, and spiritual health can often lead to feeling worse. It is important to be sure you are maintaining a healthy diet, getting the proper rest, exercising, and maintaining connections with others.

Talk to others

Even though you aren’t sharing your emotions with your spouse or best friend, you can find another trustworthy friend or family member to confide in. This will help you process the experience and find peace as you navigate healing after the affair.

Self-compassion

Having self-compassion is a bit different from self-care. Self-care revolves around doing things that help you take care of your body, mind, and spirit. Self-compassion means you are using positive thoughts and language about yourself. In the wake of an affair, it is typical to want to take the blame for the actions of your spouse. Be patient with yourself as you navigate healing. The emotions will come in waves, and it will take time to work through them.

Therapy

Finding a safe space that is objective can be a challenge when seeking help from friends and family. Sometimes connecting with a Christian counselor can help you process the situation as an individual or as a couple. Counseling offers a space to sort through the intense emotions you will feel after the affair.

Next steps

Even if it seems like you won’t ever be able to trust again, healing after an affair between a spouse and a best friend is possible. Though the pain can be intense, there is a process to healing. If you need help navigating these emotions, please contact our office to meet with a local Christian counselor. Through faith-based therapy, you can find the healing you need.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. – Proverbs 3:5-6, ESV

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“Coffee and Books”, Courtesy of Alisa Anton, Unsplash.com, CC0 License