Uncertainty or fear of commitment is viewed in the Bible as a form of anxiety. Reasons for this could be previous relationship break-ups, abusive parents, divorce in the family, or feeling trapped. The result of this phobia, whatever the cause, is that a person feels overwhelmed to the point that, whenever they are in a relationship, they feel like they need to end it and escape, even if it is just weeks or months later.
The question then is whether you wish to keep your freedom or commit to a relationship in which you may be rejected, although you might also be accepted and experience the joy of a committed relationship. The following verses will help you understand this subject better. Remember that God is in control and won’t let you down.
A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.” – Proverbs 31:10-11, NIV
This verse serves to illustrate the important role a woman plays within the family. Her relationship between her and her husband and children, provided she is devoted to God, will be praised (Proverbs 31:31). Although King Lemuel was speaking of his mother, he felt she set the standard all women should follow. Therefore, women should show no fear of commitment in marriage to a Christian man in the Bible. The Lord considers her to be a great asset.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her. – Ephesians 5:25, NIV
Scripture here gives us the rule that husbands too must commit to a marriage and see their “better half” as an attribute; a model his children can follow. There must be no fear of commitment from either side as pronounced in the Bible. They became one flesh in uniting in marriage and each must respect the other. Under these conditions, a union will prosper without fear of disintegration.
But Ruth replied, ‘Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go, I will go, and where you stay, I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me.’ – Ruth 1:16-17, NIV
At first glance, you might think this is a wife talking to her husband until you look at the preceding verses. This is a rather different relationship conversation between Naomi and her daughter-in-law, Ruth.
It is quite a complicated series of events that lead Ruth to say these words to her mother-in-law. There is no fear of commitment for her in the Bible. She is committed to the path she wishes to follow, and so should we be in life. Put fear aside, for God is always there to guide you when you make decisions.
He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord. – Proverbs 18:22, NIV
Again we see a commitment issue here. God is happy when a man marries. He will find “favor” in His eyes. Fear of commitment in the Bible also applies to a woman. If she is godly, then she should not fear marriage but embrace it. Such a wife is valued. (Proverbs 31:10-31). Solomon, unfortunately, made ungodly choices of wives and concubines that led his heart away from God.
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. – 1 Peter 4:8, NIV
No marriage is perfect. There will probably be fights and quarrels, and may even be days when you may think you “hate” your partner and wonder why you ever got together. Though this may be common, it is sinful and therefore demands repentance. God’s word must always inform our thinking on these matters.
One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. – Proverbs 18:24, NIV
In your relationship with others, although you may be outgoing and friendly, always beware of “fair-weather” friends – those who only wish to be seen with you because you are doing well or have lots of money. When times get tough, they will disappear like a puff of smoke. You may though have one friend who will stick by you whatever.
Value this person who shows no fear of commitment, as you also do, in the Bible scriptures. This verse can also, spiritually, mean the Lord Jesus. If so, let Him be your champion and companion in life. Let Him speak for you. He will not leave or forsake you (Hebrews 13:5).
In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. – Proverbs 16:9, NIV
This does not mean you are wrong in making plans for the future, even if you have a fear of commitment. This includes marriage; committing to the one you love. Remember, God ultimately decides what happens.
If you plan in a spirit of obedience and humility to Him, your desires will bear fruit. Walk in love (Ephesians 5:2). He directs our steps. Let Him show you the way to joy in this life. The place He leads you to will be more fulfilling than even you imagined.
Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate. – Mark 10:9, NIV
This verse echoes the previous one. Once you have chosen marriage over just a relationship, there should be no fear of commitment issues as spoken about in the Bible. The two of you are now ‘one flesh’ and your lives, with God’s guidance, progress in a spirit of love and friendship toward each other and those around you. You will have many adventures, good and bad, but the Lord will oversee your triumphs and defeats. He is always there for you.
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. – Galatians 6:9, NIV
Paul is encouraging the Galatians to not grow tired of doing good. It’s hard work! They are warned not to trust their flesh in this life because it is corruptible. Salvation comes from the regeneration of the spirit. Therefore, in marriage, you need to uplift each other, as well as personal friends and business associates. Fear of commitment in the Bible need not exist today if we follow the above example.
When Boaz had finished eating and drinking and was in good spirits, he went over to lie down at the far end of the corn pile. Ruth approached quietly, uncovered his feet and lay down. – Ruth 3:7, NIV
This is one of the Bible’s great love stories. But it is more than that. It’s about God’s love for us all. Ruth had faith in the God of Israel. We must also have faith in Him and how He directs our lives. We need have no fear of commitment as seen in the Bible for he is with us at every turn. As Boaz provided for Naomi and Ruth, so He will provide for us. He is the omnipresent force that watches over us.
We see in these pages many pointers to Godly love, along with the love we feel for our spouses and friends of long-standing. Relationships come in many forms, but if we trust in the Lord, our pathway ahead will be easier. Fear of commitment as we see in the Bible won’t dominate our thoughts.
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