When you agree to marry, the real work begins. There are things you need to know before taking the plunge. Getting married is a lifetime commitment. Make sure you are on the same page with your significant other.

What to Know Before Getting Married

Before the wedding day, you should know how your significant other feels about specific topics that can change the landscape of your marriage. Maintaining open communication is imperative; you will want to sit down with your loved one and have a serious discussion.

Be confident in your self-identity.

You should have a strong self-identity before getting married. When we marry before we have figured out who we are, we can get lost in the relationship. If we marry a spouse with a strong personality, we may have trouble setting boundaries and saying no to a demanding partner.

Becoming confident in your identity takes time which is why you should not rush marriage until you are ready. Of course, in your marriage, you will spend time with your spouse, but it is vital to maintain a separate identity from your spouse.

Have realistic expectations.

Often, we enter a relationship with a fantasy ideal of how we think it should go. If you are a woman, you may picture your husband-to-be as a hero from a romantic comedy, doing everything he can to make you happy. If you are a man, you may expect your new wife to wait on you and be energetic and ready for sex anytime.

These are unrealistic expectations. The truth is that your spouse is human, just like you. Each of us has flaws, which can become glaringly obvious after getting married. But that is where love and grace come into the union. Looking over insignificant issues becomes easier when we remember to separate real life from fantasy.

Marriage is work.

Marriage is work. There will be times when you are not in love with your spouse. You will love your spouse, but you may not like them. This is a normal reaction, especially after spending years together. But it is important to remember that love comes in like a wave. When your connection is deep, you can weather any storm.

The only way to keep that connection strong and deep is to work at it. You will need to choose daily to love and serve your spouse. It can be something as simple as asking him about his day or picking her a flower from the garden every morning to give with her coffee.

People don’t change.

Now is the time before getting married to pay attention to red flags. Unless God is behind a change in someone’s behavior, there is a slim chance they will change once you are married. If your prospective spouse is verbally, emotionally, or physically abusive, you will not be able to change them after the wedding. Instead, their behavior will only worsen.

Seek help immediately if you are in an abusive relationship or feel unsure about your significant other’s behavior. If the issue is not abuse, consider speaking to a counselor.

Maintain open communication when getting married.

Open communication is a critical key to your relationship. You need to feel safe while voicing your opinion. You should be able to express your emotions and feel listened to and appreciated. On the other hand, you should be willing to listen to your loved one’s ideas, suggestions, and concerns without dismissing them as frivolous.

Couples counseling could help you, and your significant other learn communication skills, anger management techniques, and conflict resolution strategies. These are lifelong skills that will serve you throughout your marriage.

Be friends.

Do you want to have a relationship with a rock-solid foundation? A relationship that can withstand crisis and turmoil? Then make sure your motivation for marrying is based on friendship instead of lust. Lust is a powerful emotion and, at times, can mimic love. Learn to know the difference between love, lust, and friendship.

Throughout your marriage, you will find that companionship is as important as being lovers, especially when you reach the older age of your eighties and nineties. Having the status of friends underlying the roles of husband and wife can make life easier; you have someone to rest your weary head on when tired and someone to laugh with in the good times. Nurture your friendship above all else.

Discuss finances before getting married.

Finances can be a tricky topic. Some couples choose to separate their finances and either split the bills between them or open a checking account only for the mortgage, car payments, and utility bills. Other couples have joint checking and savings accounts and consider all income as theirs to share equally.

However you plan the finances, you and your spouse must agree before marriage. It would be best to divulge any debt either of you has and whether the other person will be responsible for that debt after the wedding.

Share the same faith.

Couples who share the same faith typically raise their children in the church and are more likely to pray and read their Bible than people involved in multi-religious marriages. Marrying someone of a different religion can cause disagreements in the home, a lack of faith, and doubting the existence of God.

That is not to say that your significant other will not convert to your Christian beliefs at some point. Still, followers of a particular religion may suffer peer pressure from their family and friends to remain in the faith from childhood. You should address your beliefs in Christ as soon as possible in the relationship.

Children and the future.

What are your plans when it comes to children? Do you want any children at all? What about where you live? Will you be happy living in the same town you grew up in, or would you rather move 1000 miles away?

Once you know the type of life you would like to have, discuss this with your significant other. Your spouse-to-be may be open to what you want or set on his own future dreams, such as not wanting any children. Does your future spouse’s dreams match yours? If not, will your dreams mesh well with each other or cause tension in the marriage?

Every marriage is different.

You should make friends with other married couples who have enjoyed years of being together. This gives you a bird’s eye view into relationships and marriage. However, remember that every union is different, and every family has challenges. What bothers one spouse about her husband may not bother you in the slightest.

You will receive advice from married and unmarried friends about your relationship. Take each piece of advice and consider it regarding your relationship. You can apply their suggestions to your marriage if you believe it would benefit your relationship, but do not feel as if you have to make your marriage look like everyone else’s.

Sometimes getting an unbiased third party’s point of view is best. Consider couples or marriage counseling if you believe it would help. Your only priority is nurturing your relationship and strengthening your marriage. Investing in your relationship now can carry you through the tough times.

God blessed marriage and wants us fulfilled in our intimate relationships as well as maintaining our sense of self. Getting married brings a positive light into your life.

Are you on the same page about getting married?

Are you on the same page with your prospective spouse? If not, there could be trouble in the future. Even though you love each other, if you cannot find a solution to the above topics, then discontentment or resentment can take root. Getting married is a short-term goal, but a successful marriage is a long-term goal.

Contact our office today to schedule an appointment with a premarital counselor to discuss ways to agree on important topics before the big day.