Teenage parenting is never simple. You might be worn out from staying up all night worrying about where, who, and what your child is doing. In addition to the moodiness, the intense emotions, and the impulsive and reckless behavior, you may be discouraged by the futile attempts at communication, the never-ending arguments, and the open defiance of a troubled teen.

It may be difficult to believe at times, but your adolescent is not an extraterrestrial from another planet. However, their wiring is different. Because the teenage brain is still actively growing, it processes information differently from the brain of an adult.

The frontal cortex, the area of the brain responsible for controlling emotions, reasoning, and inhibitions, undergoes incredible synaptic plasticity during adolescence, but the entire brain does not reach full maturity until the mid-twenties.

Although your teens may be taller than you and appear to be an adult in some ways, they frequently lack the mental capacity required for adult-level thought. Adolescent physical changes and the hormones produced during them can make matters more difficult.

The fact that teens behave impulsively or frustrate parents and teachers with their poor decisions, social anxiety, and rebelliousness is not excused by these biological differences, nor do they absolve them from responsibility for their actions.

Teens interpret feelings differently

Teenagers are less able than adults to recognize and interpret other people’s facial expressions of emotion. Teenagers rely on the amygdala, the area of the brain responsible for emotional reactions, rather than adults who use the prefrontal cortex to read emotional cues. According to research, teenagers frequently misinterpret adult facial expressions; when shown images of adults expressing various emotions, teenagers most frequently assumed they were angry.

When common teen behavior turns problematic

Many teenagers go through behavioral changes that can appear strange and unpredictable to parents as they start to assert their independence and find their own identities. Your obedient, sweet child, who once couldn’t stand to be apart from you, now avoids you at all costs and responds to everything you say with a slammed door or a roll of the eyes. Even though it may be difficult for parents to accept, these are just the actions of a typical adolescent.

On the other hand, a troubled teen displays behavioral, emotional, or learning issues that go beyond typical adolescent problems. They might frequently engage in risky behaviors like drinking, using drugs, having sex, being violent, skipping school, inflicting self-harm, shoplifting, or committing other crimes.

Or they might display signs of mental health issues like eating disorders, anxiety, or depression. Parents must know which behaviors are typical for adolescent development and which can indicate more serious issues, even though any negative repeated behavior can be a sign of underlying trouble.

The behavior of a “typical” versus troubled teen

Changing one’s appearance.

Typical adolescent behavior: Teens place a high value on keeping up with trends. That might entail coloring their hair or donning provocative or attention-grabbing attire. Save your criticism and protests for the more important issues unless your teen wants tattoos. Both your teens and the trends will change.

Troubled teen behavior: When accompanied by behavioral issues or issues at school, a change in appearance may be cause for concern. Other red flags include evidence of self-harm, cutting, or drastic weight loss or gain.

More disputes and disobedient actions.

Teen behavior: You will frequently butt heads and argue as teens start to seek independence.

Troubled Teen: Constant argument escalation, domestic violence, skipping school, picking fights, and run-ins with the law are all telltale behaviors that go beyond typical teenage rebellion.

Mood changes.

Teen behavior: Your teen may exhibit mood swings, irritable behavior, and difficulty controlling their emotions as a result of hormones and developmental changes.

Troubled Teen: Rapid personality changes, poor academic performance, persistent melancholy, anxiety, or trouble sleeping could be warning signs of depression, bullying, or another emotional health problem in a teen. Consider suicide discussions seriously.

Experimenting with drugs or alcohol.

Teens typically try alcohol, smoke cigarettes, or use e-cigarettes at some point. Some people may even try marijuana. One way to stop it from getting worse is to have frank and open conversations about drugs and alcohol with your children. When alcohol or drug use becomes habitual, particularly when it’s accompanied by issues at home or school, it may be a sign of substance abuse or other underlying issues.

Friends have a stronger influence than parents.

Typical teen conduct: Teenagers place a high value on their friendships, which can greatly affect their decision-making. Teens naturally become more withdrawn from you as they turn their attention to their peers. Your hurt feelings notwithstanding, your teen still needs your love despite this.

Symptoms of a troubled teen include: Red flags include abruptly changing friends (especially if the new friends support bad behavior), refusing to adhere to reasonable rules and boundaries, and lying to escape the repercussions of bad behavior. Similarly, if your teen spends too much time alone, that may also be a sign of issues.

Reach out to your troubled teen

Given your child’s resentment or lack of interest in you, it may be difficult for you to believe that teens still long for their parents’ love, acceptance, and approval. By calming and focusing the nervous system, positive face-to-face interaction is the quickest, most effective way to reduce stress. That implies that you probably have much more control over your adolescent than you realize.

Find points of agreement. Even though trying to talk about your teen’s appearance or clothing is a surefire way to start a fight, you can still find some points of agreement. Fathers and sons frequently bond over sports, while mothers and daughters do so over gossip or movies.

The goal is to find shared interests so that you can have civil conversations rather than becoming best friends with your teen. Your teen might feel more at ease speaking to you about other subjects once you start talking.

Pay attention without opining or offering advice. You must listen to your teen without passing judgment, making fun of them, interrupting, criticizing, or giving them any advice when they do talk to you.

Even when they aren’t looking at you, keep eye contact with your teen and keep your attention on them because they want to feel valued and understood by you. Your teen will think they are unimportant to you if you are checking your email or reading the newspaper.

Expect rejection. When you try to connect with your teen, they might frequently respond negatively with annoyance, rage, or other emotions. Maintain a calm demeanor and give your teen room to calm down. Later, when you both feel calm, try again. It will take time and effort to establish a connection with your adolescent. Don’t give up; if you persevere, the solution will appear.

Obstructions to connection

Your teen’s capacity for emotional connection may be impaired if they are using drugs or alcohol. The same might apply to prescription drugs. Make sure the dosage is only as high as is necessary, for instance, if your teen is taking antidepressants.

Seeking professional help for a troubled teen

Consult a doctor, counselor, therapist, or another mental health professional for assistance in locating the best course of treatment if you notice red-flag behaviors in your adolescent.

However, even when you seek professional assistance, your work has only just begun; it remains to be done. There are many things you can do at home to support your teen and strengthen your bonds, as is explained below. And you can start using them right away, without needing to wait for a diagnosis.

Remember that no matter what issues your teen is facing, they do not indicate that you have failed as a parent. Consider your teen’s current needs rather than attempting to place blame for the circumstance. Finding a way to relate to what they are feeling emotionally and socially is the first step.

Contact us and connect your teen to a counselor today.